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WELCOME TO WYOMING Issued by the Wyoming Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting California and Northeaster Urbanites 1. Don't order filet mignons or pasta primavera at Higby's Cafe, It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your ass. 2 Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Dubois, Chugwater, Meeteese, Uncross, Encampment, etc,) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass. 3, Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Up here it's called POP. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we will kick your ass. 5. We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living up here. Naturally we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass. 6. Don't laugh at our jackalopes. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. When you're in Cody don't point at the genitalia on the giant Buffalo or we will kick your ass. 7. We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass. 8. Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven, sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we will kick your ass. 9. Don't try to fake a western accent. We don't have an accent. Do NOT mention Laramie, as that will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked. 10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. We have visited big-city hell holes like Detroit, New York, and LA, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, United Airlines is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked. 11. Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when it's 10 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in New York Harbor. Also don't hog the heater in the fish house or we will kick your ass. 12. Don't complain that most of Wyoming is flat and that there aren't enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to Cleveland. 13, Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours. 14. So you think we are quaint or losers because most of us live on the prairie? That's because we have enough sense not to live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass. 15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass. ENJOY YOUR VISIT TO THE EQUALITY STATE.